The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
