you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
