tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will pee on everything he values.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
