i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
