careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
