When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
