I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize