I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
