Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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