didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
