Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
