How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
