lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
