I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
