She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
