I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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