What did we do last night that was yellow?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize