For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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