he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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