yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
