Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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