every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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