don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
