i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize