her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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