I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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