I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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