I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
