I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
