i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
