My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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