Having a random hookup so left but love u
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
