so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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