Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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