You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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