Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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