Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
