@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
this hospital has no fireball
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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