I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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