im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
