Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
