whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
