Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
