I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
