Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
