If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
