Christians are straight up FREAKS
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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