There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
