He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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