I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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