I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
