oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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