Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
