I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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