I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
