P.S. I can't hear my feet
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
