I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
