its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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