he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize