Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
