I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
