My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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