can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
