you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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