I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
