Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
