Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
