My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
