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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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