So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
