Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
