She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
