Yo dont text me then not text me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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