Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need moral support for this bender
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize